Big D Roundup

Finally got around to writing on here again after a wonderful weekend in Dallas for their roundup. I have to give it to the boys up there.....they really put on an amazing show. The speakers were all amazing, the workshops were great, and the shows were just over the top great.

I plan on making this a yearly visit. I didn't get to meet as many people as I would have like this first time around. Damn insomnia had feeling a bit out of it. Additionally, these types of events can be really difficult when I don't know many (any) faces.

I am still on my little emotional high from the weekend. It's just what I needed for my sobriety at the moment. I got to pick up a 4 year chip in Dallas, and get to do the same at home here in Houston on Saturday!!!

Today I am grateful for...
all the people that made BigD Roundup possible
that I was able to go
hearing my sponsor tell his Al-Anon Story
Picking up an Al-Anon serenity chip
That when I go back to work after a holiday weekend, I actually love going to work
Taking a day off from the gym to honor my body and rest

Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is still something I struggle with. Even though I have gotten better at it, there is still plenty of room for improvement. Fear of not being liked is what is behind it. If I can see it, then it loses some power over me.

I had to set some boundaries tonight.

Today I am grateful for...
My sponsor
Newcomer at the meeting
Dinner even if I left my leftovers behind
Watching the Rockets
AMAZING time at Mrs. Lambda yesterday
A great big family that I can turn to

Facebook

For some reason my last blog post did not appear....oh well.

Today, I took my ex down as a friend from Facebook. Not because of hard feelings, even though they are there, but for my peace of mind. I found myself going to see if he had any new posts, where he's at, or to get a clue about the guy he apparently left me for. Why am I attracted to things that cause pain?

It's been my experience that when a relationship ends, one or both parties do their best to keep the other at arm's distance. I've been there and don't like the feelings that come from that, so I am taking actions to not do that.

Today I am grateful for...
Speaker meeting
Mr. Mrs Lambda Tonight
Helping someone that is starting a non-profit
That my day at work flew by quick
That I had a good night of sleep
My lunch with Jon yesterday
Being able to knock out the Round Up Menu
God
Cool Front

90% good day

Most of my day today was good. It was actually the best I have had since the breakup until I got home. I've been able to not dwell on the breakup while at work but getting home and seeing Brad brought up all the emotions again, the questions (so many questions), feelings.

I really need to move out soon....real soon. It's the only way I can begin to heal. It's been my experience after a breakup that the 2 people many times keep each other at arm's distance away either for control or to minimize the hurt.....

Today I am grateful for...
a busy day at work
seeing David briefly at the store
My constant prayers
good apointment at doctors
God
All my needs are met
willingness

That's all I have tonight...

Back to the Beginning

I blogged my first few years of sobriety and it was one of my biggest tools.
I've been going through a painful breakup and have asked God to walk me through it. I am looking for signs of what I need to do and take the action when I think it is from higher power.

Today, my boss Fred told me about how someone used to read this blog and it reminded me how great a tool this was so I decided I need to start doing this again. Not for any readers but for myself.

Breakups has been the most painful thing I have experienced sober. I lost a good friend this year also and it helped so much to talk about it. I am doing the same about what is going on today.

My prayer right now is a prayer of faith renewal: "God, I ask that you give me a sign so clear that I have no doubt it comes from you and I know you are listening."

Today I am grateful for...
my little chat with Jon L tonight
That I have a big sober family
That I have a great family with 2 brothers and parents that have been together for long time
Desire to stay sober
Desire to walk through pain
God
A job that I just love
Melody who whispers to me
Mystery reader
Trip to Dallas soon

2009 Houston Aids Walk

http://www.aidshelp.org/goto/Ricky

The 20th Annual AIDS Walk Houston, presented by Chevron, is scheduled for Sunday, March 15, 2009. It is an exciting, non-competitive walk event that increases community awareness and educates Houstonians about HIV/AIDS. Proceeds from AIDS Walk Houston raises money for AIDS Foundation Houston, Inc., as well as many other local HIV/AIDS service organizations.
When:

AIDS Walk Houston 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
8:00 am Check-In
9:00 am Opening Ceremonies
10:00 am Walk Begins
Where:

Sam Houston Park (downtown)
1000 Bagby Street
Distance: 5K (3.1 miles)
Beneficiaries: AIDS Foundation Houston, Inc and Houston-area HIV/AIDS service organizations. The funds that participants raise supports education and pediatric programs, provides housing, food, medical care, counseling, and job training to more than 100,000 Houstonians each year. Join the crowd!
Why: Incredible progress has been made in the fight against HIV/AIDS, but a cure has not been found. Individuals continue to contract HIV at an alarming rate right here in our city.

Please sign up to either walk or donate as part of the Houston Buyers Club Team

http://www.aidshelp.org/goto/Ricky

It has been a long time

WOw..it has been a long time since I have written in here but there has been so much conscious contact with my higher power that I feel it good to put them down on here.

I have been the recipient of some good deeds by someone at work that has really opened up my eyes.
It started by him giving me over 2000 dollars of supplements out of the blue one day. Since then, I have been watching him closely trying to figure out motive, reasoning, etc.
I have watched him go beyond the call of the duty with many customers since that day. He spends long chats with them, gets involved, and many many times he buys supplements for customers when they can't afford them.
There isn't much that is know about my coworker's activities outside of work, but i have a feeling that he's is doing a loooooooot for many people and keeps it very hush hush.

Today I mentioned that I was having problem sleeping and when I got home there was a bottle of an herb for sleep he bought and put in my bag when I was not looking.

A year or so ago, when working with my sponsor, he had me do something nice for someone and not tell anyone about it.

This guy does it daily.

Today I am grateful for...
continual sobriety which gives me experience on how to take action to get out of my low times
that god is always there even when I am not looking/listening
the 3rd step being the step of freedom
Brad
George Michael
the voice inside of me that has only gotten stronger during sobriety
that tomorrow is a holiday and I am pretty sure that I will wake up and go to bed sober

Time to dust off this thing

I think it is time for me to get back to this thing. I really need to start doing gratitude lists again.
The past several months have been really difficult for the plain reason that I have abandoned many of the small things, like this blog, that have gotten me to where I was in my life.

I am in my 3rd year of sobriety and unlike the first 2 years, I have had to dig deeper for the motivation to do many of the basics. I understand that this is part of the journey in recovery for many people.

If there has been 1 thing that I have done right that is my daily reminder of the 1st step.

Today I am grateful for.....
Knowing that God is always there
Awareness that comes with sobriety even when I am know I am not spiritually fit
A sense of responsibility and purpose at work that serves as a motivator
A wonderful partner
"The best sponsor in the world"
That I know what to do to maintain my sobriety during the holidays
The round up is coming up!!!
I am finally going to Vegas in a month the way it was supposed to happen..with my little brother
That changes in my life will mark a new chapter in my journey
"More will be revealed" It always seems to amaze me when this continues to be true

Just an update

The video is from this past Sunday. Me and my roommate have hosted some people over for some games. It has been fun and very very rowdy!!!

I had a trip scheduled to Vegas this weekend coming up and my friend cancelled it. I was really bummed beyond belief for a bit. I was really looking forward to seeing Toni Braxton. I thought it would have been good to get away after summer school. At least I will be in town now to watch my parents' cats so they can go to Cancun for my mother's birthday.

School starts again next week. It is my final semester until I graduate. Because of the Hazelwood Exemption that covers my tuition, it is saving me over 3,000 this semester.

Finally, I went to the doctor today to get my result from my latest blood test. I was really excited because I have been doing 5 grams of green tea extract for several months now and there are many reports locally about how it has been effective. Well, my tcells went down almost 100 but the doctor said that it there is nothing to worry about. He went on to explain but I really didn't understand much.

Today I am grateful for....

Time I needed alone

God's contact with me

Reminders of the self destruction that came with my addictions

A/C during this heat

Brad

My parents

Lambda

The fear of relapse is a healthy fear

Video:Nancy Grace Prank/ The Good and Bad at this moment

The Video is of CNN host Nancy Grace getting pranked by a technician in the production room.

I haven't gone to a meeting in some time now and I am aware of how it affects me. I have a shorter temper, I haven't been sleeping as well, and more importantly I feel VERY VERY disconnected. The longer I stay away, the harder it gets to go back to a meeting. At this moment, I am doing the minimum for my sobriety. I wake up and remind myself that I am powerless over my addiction and ask god to keep me sober

On a positive side, school is going well. I have one of the best college instructors I have ever had and that makes a big difference.I am also continuing my Warrior work that has been very rewarding.

Today I am grateful for...
A good night of sleep
Working with another alcoholic
Youtube
Brad
David D
Awareness
The safety I find with a group of Warrior men to talk honestly with
Getting over my stomach bug
My family
talking to my little bro today